Decembers Challenge

Well here I am. 24 and at pretty much the heaviest i've ever been, ecluding how heavy i got when i was pregnant with my son. Honestly my weight is depressing me. Since having my daughter i've gained weight, ok so its only two kilos but its enough for me to notice. After having my son i was 89kgs, i developed gallstones so went on a fat free diet whilst still exclusivly breastfeeding him, so naturally i lost alot of weight. i had surgery the day he turned 6months and honestly didnt really pay much attention to my weight untill i got pregnant with my daughter. i weighed myself at two months along and was only 77kgs. I felt amazing. I want to get back to that feeling again. I know exactly why i've gained the weight this time...stress. Aurora was born 5 weeks early via emergancy c section. I had developed pre-eclampsic toxemia and the medical team decided on the day of diagnosis that she would be safer being born early. She spent 4 1/2 weeks in the hospital in NICU and then SCBU care. So we were on the road alot, driving to and from the hospital everyday and leaving our son with the grandparents. We ate far too much junk food and other comfort foods such as cookies and chocolate. As I'd had a c-section i couldn't really do much, somedays just walking from the car to my daughters cot in SCBU was too much. She's 13weeks old now and home. We've been home two months, and everyone is happy. Except me. I feel like a failure because of the pregnancy being cut short, the c section took away the control of giving birth. I wasn't even allowed to hold her straight away. I still find myself comfrt eating, so heres my promise to myself. I will get better, I will get through this depressionesque state and I will loose weight. I'm going to record my journey through this, so maybe as I help myself i can help someone else out there too. So heres what decembers challenge is... * At least one workout per day (Golds Gym Cardio Workout on wii) *Eat healthy (No more fatty, hig sugar foods. Nore fruit and vegies) *Drink plenty of water *Loose 4 kilos I'm currently weighing in at 86 kilos acording to my BMI my ideal weight is 61kilos. Overall i need to loose 25kilos in total. Here what I currently look like...

So here goes my weight loss journey. I don't quite know whats wrong with me emotionally. I'm finding that even when I'm doing things i enjoy, like reading, crocheting or even playing with my toddler(20month old Logan) or just relaxing with my fiance, i'm forcing a smile on my face. I know i should probably tell someone about how I'm feeling, but i dont know what to say. I can't say why I'm down, i just am and i dont know why. I've been feelinglike this for a couple of days, so I'll see how i go.